i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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