i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize