Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
