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ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
