We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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