wat bout pragnant strippers??
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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