Its about making memories worth repressing
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
