I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think your dad took our porno
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
