she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
