genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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