I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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