You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Of course I have a pirate flag
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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