did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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