And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
