i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize