Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
