Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
