Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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