Your tits are I can't wait for
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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