Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
