**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
