She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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