my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
