k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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