dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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