This girl is more easily done than said...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
