I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
