we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize