I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
