By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
