Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
