your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
