Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
