why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
