You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
