u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
