Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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