Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
