have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
