i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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