So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
