Your face is a jimmy john
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
