Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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