All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
