Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
