Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
