I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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