How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
