I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize