my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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