the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
