Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
