I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
