how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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