That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i dont even know how to be here
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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