the condom got lost in my hair
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
