I wish I only lived at night.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
