In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
