I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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