You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Two words: blizzard sex
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
