i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
