Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
