I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
