just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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