think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
