If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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