best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
