Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize