so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
