Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's rum buckets o'clock
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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