Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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