he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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