got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
