dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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