AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize