38 yer olds are good kisserssss
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
