Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
