I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
