Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think people are normalizing furries
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