i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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