My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
