Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
