first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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