The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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