I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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