The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
