Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
